The Three Ladies of London, Quarto 1

The Three Ladies of London, Quarto 1 3LL: Q1 Author Wilson, Robert Editor Jessica Dell Editor Chantelle Thauvette General Textual Editor Helen Ostovich General Textual Editor Andrew Griffin Transcriber Sarah Johnson Markup Editor Sarah Johnson Conversion and Remediation LEMDO Team University of Victoria on the Linked Early Modern Drama Online Platform

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See also Latin Small Letter a with Tilde. e[nm] ē {_e} U+0113 The expansion of this glyph depends on its context; in most cases it involves the addition of a nasal, but each case must be handled manually. See also Latin Small Letter e with Tilde. o[nm] ō {_o} U+014D The expansion of this glyph depends on its context; in most cases it involves the addition of a nasal, but each case must be handled manually. See also Latin Small Letter o with Tilde. y[nm] ȳ {_y} U+0233 The expansion of this glyph depends on its context; in most cases it involves the addition of a nasal, but each case must be handled manually. ñ ñ {~n} U+00F1 s ſ {s} U+017F ae ae æ {ae} U+00E6 ct ct {ct} ff ff ﬀ {ff} U+FB00 ffi ffi ﬃ {ffi} U+FB03 fi fi ﬁ {fi} U+FB01 fl fl ﬂ {fl} U+FB02 oe OE œ {oe} U+1053 sh ſh {{s}h} si ſi {{s}i} sl ſl {{s}l} ss ſſ {{s}{s}} ssi ſſi {{s}{s}i} st ſt ﬅ {{s}t} U+FB05 Began proofing. Updated encoding of figure Began proofing. Removed all rs elements and remediated stage directions for place. Checked title page lineation. Finished remediating. Began remediating. Moved prologue into body. Completed a fw tag that was incomplete. Replaced TLNs with WLNs. Tidied metadata. Replaced divs with milestones using Regex. Replaced heads with labels. Removed type from label. Re-encoded titlepage. Numbered speeches using XSLT and tidied with Regex. Minor tidying all over. Encoded hungwords. Commented out particDesc. Ran regex to standardize order of attributes on fw and stage, remove italics from running titles and speaker, remove @who, normalize long s, and remove supplied page numbers in pb. Removed ab elements around supplied scene headers and replaced with label elements. Created TEI from IML file. Peter Cockett Peter Cockett

Peter Cockett is an associate professor in the Theatre and Film Studies at McMaster University. He is the general editor (performance), and technical co-ordinating editor of Queen’s Men Editions. He was the stage director for the Shakespeare and the Queen’s Men project (SQM), directing King Leir, The Famous Victories of Henry V, and Friar Bacon and Friar Bungay (2006) and he is the performance editor for our editions of those plays. The process behind those productions is documented in depth on his website Performing the Queen’s Men. Also featured on this site are his PAR productions of Clyomon and Clamydes (2009) and Three Ladies of London (2014). For the PLS, the University of Toronto’s Medieval and Renaissance Players, he has directed the Digby Mary Magdalene (2003) and the double bill of George Peele’s The Old Wives Tale and the Chester Antichrist (2004). He also directed An Experiment in Elizabethan Comedy (2005) for the SQM project and Inside Out: The Persistence of Allegory (2008) in collaboration with Alan Dessen. Peter is a professional actor and director with numerous stage and screen credits. He can be contacted at cockett@mcmaster.ca.

Jessica Dell Jessica Dell

Jessica Dell (Three Ladies of London, Q1 1584) defended her doctoral dissertation, Vanishing Acts: Absence, Gender, and Magic in Early Modern Drama, 1558–1642, in September 2014 at McMaster University. In 2016, she became a full-time instructor at Aurora College (NWT) in the Bachelor of Education program which partners with the University of Saskatchewan and the Indian Teacher Education Program (ITEP). Recent publications include <quote>A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean!</quote>: Image Magic and Shakespeare’s <title level="m">The Merry Wives of Windsor in Magical Transformations on the Early Modern English Stage (2014) and, with David Klausner and Helen Ostovich, co-edited The Chester Cycle in Context, 1555–1575: Religion, Drama, and the Impact of Change (2012). She can be contacted at Jdell@auroracollege.nt.ca.

Tracey El Hajj Tracey El Hajj

Junior Programmer 2019–2020. Research Associate 2020–2021. Tracey received her PhD from the Department of English at the University of Victoria in the field of Science and Technology Studies. Her research focuses on the algorhythmics of networked communications. She was a 2019–2020 President’s Fellow in Research-Enriched Teaching at UVic, where she taught an advanced course on Artificial Intelligence and Everyday Life. Tracey was also a member of the Map of Early Modern London team, between 2018 and 2021. Between 2020 and 2021, she was a fellow in residence at the Praxis Studio for Comparative Media Studies, where she investigated the relationships between artificial intelligence, creativity, health, and justice. As of July 2021, Tracey has moved into the alt-ac world for a term position, while also teaching in the English Department at the University of Victoria.

Abby Flight Abby Flight

Remediator and encoder, 2024–present. Abby Flight completed her BA in English at the University of Victoria in 2024, and is now an MA student focusing on Medieval and Early Modern Studies.

Mahayla Galliford Mahayla Galliford

Project manager, 2025-present; research assistant, 2021-present. Mahayla Galliford (she/her) graduated with a BA (Hons with distinction) from the University of Victoria in 2024. Mahayla’s undergraduate research explored early modern stage directions and civic water pageantry. Mahayla continues her studies through UVic’s English MA program and her SSHRC-funded thesis project focuses on editing and encoding girls’ manuscripts, specifically Lady Rachel Fane’s dramatic entertainments, in collaboration with LEMDO.

Andrew Griffin Andrew Griffin

Andrew Griffin is an associate professor in the department of English and an affiliate professor in the department of Theater and Dance at the University of California, Santa Barbara. He is general editor (text) of Queen’s Men Editions. He studies early modern drama and early modern historiography while serving as the lead editor at the EMC Imprint. He has co-edited with Helen Ostovich and Holger Schott Syme Locating the Queen’s Men (2009) and has co-edited The Making of a Broadside Ballad (2016) with Patricia Fumerton and Carl Stahmer. His monograph, Untimely Deaths in Renaissance Drama: Biography, History, Catastrophe, was published with the University of Toronto Press in 2019. He is editor of the anonymous The Chronicle History of King Leir (Queen’s Men Editions, 2011). He can be contacted at griffin@english.ucsb.edu.

Navarra Houldin Navarra Houldin

Training and Documentation Lead 2025–present. LEMDO project manager 2022–2025. Textual remediator 2021–present. Navarra Houldin (they/them) completed their BA with a major in history and minor in Spanish at the University of Victoria in 2022. Their primary research was on gender and sexuality in early modern Europe and Latin America. They are continuing their education through an MA program in Gender and Social Justice Studies at the University of Alberta where they will specialize in Digital Humanities.

Janelle Jenstad Janelle Jenstad

Janelle Jenstad is a Professor of English at the University of Victoria, Director of The Map of Early Modern London, and Director of Linked Early Modern Drama Online. With Jennifer Roberts-Smith and Mark Beatrice Kaethler, she co-edited Shakespeare’s Language in Digital Media: Old Words, New Tools (Routledge). She has edited John Stow’s A Survey of London (1598 text) for MoEML and is currently editing The Merchant of Venice (with Stephen Wittek) and Heywood’s 2 If You Know Not Me You Know Nobody for DRE. Her articles have appeared in Digital Humanities Quarterly, Elizabethan Theatre, Early Modern Literary Studies, Shakespeare Bulletin, Renaissance and Reformation, and The Journal of Medieval and Early Modern Studies. She contributed chapters to Approaches to Teaching Othello (MLA); Teaching Early Modern Literature from the Archives (MLA); Institutional Culture in Early Modern England (Brill); Shakespeare, Language, and the Stage (Arden); Performing Maternity in Early Modern England (Ashgate); New Directions in the Geohumanities (Routledge); Early Modern Studies and the Digital Turn (Iter); Placing Names: Enriching and Integrating Gazetteers (Indiana); Making Things and Drawing Boundaries (Minnesota); Rethinking Shakespeare Source Study: Audiences, Authors, and Digital Technologies (Routledge); and Civic Performance: Pageantry and Entertainments in Early Modern London (Routledge). For more details, see janellejenstad.com.

Sarah Johnon Sarah Johnon Erin Julian Erin Julian

Erin Julian (Three Ladies of London, performance) completed her SSHRC-funded dissertation (Laughing Matters: Sexual Violence in Jacobean and Caroline Comedy) in English and Cultural Studies in 2014 at McMaster. She currently holds a SSHRC Postdoctoral Fellowship at Western University (Rape Under Erasure in Early/Modern Shakespeare). Her recent publications include Review Essay: New Directions in Jonson Criticism for Early Theatre 17.1 (2014) and (co-authored with Helen Ostovich) Pedagogical and Web Resources in Julian and Ostovich (eds), The Alchemist: A Critical Reader(Bloomsbury, 2013). She is also co-editor of The Dutch Courtesan for the Complete Works of John Marston (OUP, forthcoming) and editor of the website associated with the performance of the play in March 2019. Her essay on performance, <title level="a">Our hurtless mirth: What’s Funny about The Dutch Courtesan? appears in Early Theatre 23.1 (2000), the special issue on Marston’s play. She can be contacted at ejulian@uwo.ca.

Kate LeBere Kate LeBere KL

Project Manager, 2020–2021. Assistant Project Manager, 2019–2020. Textual Remediator and Encoder, 2019–2021. Kate LeBere completed her BA (Hons.) in History and English at the University of Victoria in 2020. During her degree she published papers in The Corvette (2018), The Albatross (2019), and PLVS VLTRA (2020) and presented at the English Undergraduate Conference (2019), Qualicum History Conference (2020), and the Digital Humanities Summer Institute’s Project Management in the Humanities Conference (2021). While her primary research focus was sixteenth and seventeenth century England, she completed her honours thesis on Soviet ballet during the Russian Cultural Revolution. She is currently a student at the University of British Columbia’s iSchool, working on her masters in library and information science.

Helen Ostovich Helen Ostovich

Helen Ostovich, professor emerita of English at McMaster University, is the founder and general editor of Queen’s Men Editions. She is a general editor of The Revels Plays (Manchester University Press); Series Editor of Studies in Performance and Early Modern Drama (Ashgate, now Routledge), and series co-editor of Late Tudor and Stuart Drama (MIP); play-editor of several works by Ben Jonson, in Four Comedies: Ben Jonson (1997); Every Man Out of his Humour (Revels 2001); and The Magnetic Lady (Cambridge 2012). She has also edited the Norton Shakespeare 3 The Merry Wives of Windsor Q1602 and F1623 (2015); The Late Lancashire Witches and A Jovial Crew for Richard Brome Online, revised for a 4-volume set from OUP 2021; The Ball, for the Oxford Complete Works of James Shirley (2021); The Merry Wives of Windsor for Internet Shakespeare Editions, and The Dutch Courtesan (with Erin Julian) for the Complete Works of John Marston, OUP 2022. She has published many articles and book chapters on Jonson, Shakespeare, and others, and several book collections, most recently Magical Transformations of the Early Modern English Stage with Lisa Hopkins (2014), and the equivalent to book website, Performance as Research in Early English Theatre Studies: The Three Ladies of London in Context containing scripts, glossary, almost fifty conference papers edited and updated to essays; video; link to Queen’s Mens Ediitons and YouTube: http://threeladiesoflondon.mcmaster.ca/contexts/index.htm, 2015. Recently, she was guest editor of Strangers and Aliens in London ca 1605, Special Issue on Marston, Early Theatre 23.1 (June 2020). She can be contacted at ostovich@mcmaster.ca.

Sofia Spiteri Sofia Spiteri

Sofia Spiteri is currently completing her Bachelor of Arts in History at the University of Victoria. During the summer of 2023, she had the opportunity to work with LEMDO as a recipient of the Valerie Kuehne Undergraduate Research Award (VKURA). Her work with LEMDO primarily includes semi-diplomatic transcriptions for The Winter’s Tale and Mucedorus.

Chantelle Thauvette Chantelle Thauvette

Chantelle Thauvette (Three Ladies of London1592 Q2 text) completed her PhD in English and Cultural Studies, 2013, at McMaster, with a Doctoral Diploma in Gender Studies and Feminist Research. She has published a book chapter in Magic, Marriage, and Midwifery: Eroticism in the Middle Ages and the Renaissance (Turnhout: Brepols, 2014), and articles in SEL: Studies in English Literature, The Journal for Early Modern Cultural Studies, The Journal for Early Modern Cultural Studies, and has presented papers at interdisciplinary early modern conferences including the Renaissance Society of America, the Canadian Society for Renaissance Studies, Shakespeare Association of America, and the Society for the Study of Early Modern Women. She can be contacted at cthauvette@siena.edu.

Robert Wilson Robert Wilson

Actor with the Queen’s Men. See Robert Wilson (d. 1600).

LEMDO Team The LEMDO Team is based at the University of Victoria and normally comprises the project director, the lead developer, project manager, junior developers(s), remediators, encoders, and remediating editors. University of Victoria https://www.uvic.ca/ Queen’s Men Editions QME

The Queen’s Men Editions anthology is led by Helen Ostovich, General Editor; Peter Cockett, General Editor (Performance); and Andrew Griffin, General Editor (Text).

A right excellent and famous Comoedy called the three Ladies of London. WHEREIN IS NOTA- BLIE DECLARED AND SET foorth, how by the meanes of Lucar, Loue and Conscience is so corrupted, that the one is married to Dissi- mulation, the other fraught with all abhomina- tion. ¶A PERFECT PATTERNE FOR ALL Estates to looke into, and a worke right wor- thie to be marked. Written by R.W. as it hath beene publiquely played.

AT LONDON, ¶Printed by Ro- ger Warde, dweling neere Holburne Conduit, at the signe of the Talbot. 1584.

The Prologue. To sit on honors seate, it is a loftie reach, To seeke for praise by making brags, oftimes doth get a breach. We list not ride the rowling Rackes, that dims the christall skies, We mean to set no glimmering glaunce before your curteous eies. search not Plutos pensiue pit, nor tast of Limbo lake: shew of warlike fight, as sword and shield to shake. not of the powers deuine, ne yet of furious sprites: seeke high hilles to climbe, nor talke of loues delights. not heere present to you, the threshar with his flayle: Ne doo we here present to you, the milke maide with her payle. We shew net you of countrey toile, as hedger with his bill: We doo not bring the husbandman, to loppe and toppe with skill. We play not heere the Gardiners part, to plant, to set and sowe: You maruell then what stuffe we haue to furnish out our showe. Your patience yet we craue a while, till we haue trimd our stall: Then young and olde come and behold our wares, and buy them all. Then if our wares shall soeme to you, well wouen, good and fine, We hope we shall your custome haue, againe an other time. FINIS.

A pithie and pleasant Comoedie The first Act. Enter Fame sounding before Loue and Conscience. Loue. LAdy Conscience, what shall we say to our estates, to whome shall we complaine? Or how shall we abridge such fates, as heapeth by our paine? Tis Lucar now that rules the rout, tis she is all in all: Tis she that holds her head so stout, in fine tis she that workes our (fall. Oh Conscience, I feare, I feare a day, That we by her and vsurie, shall quite be cast away. Consci. Indeed I feare the worst, for euerie man doth sewe, And comes from cuntreyes straunge and farre, of her to haue a vewe. Although they ought to seeke true Loue and Conscience cleare: But Loue and Conscience few do like, that leane on Lucars chaire Men ought be ruld by vs, we ought in them beare sway: So should ech neighbour liue by other, in good estate alway. Loue. For Lucar men come from Italy, Barbary, Turky, From Jury: nay the Pagan himselfe, Indaungers his bodie to gape for her pelfe. They forsake mother, Prince, Countrey, Religion, kiffe and kinne, Nay men care not what they forsake, so Lady Lucar they winne. That we poore Ladies may sigh to see, our states thus turned and tost, And worse and worse is like to be, where Lucar rules the rost. Consci. You say the truth, yet God I trust will not admit it so: That Loue and Conscience by Lucars lust, shall catch an ouerthrow. Fame. Good Ladies rest content, and you no doubt shall see, Them plagued with painefull punishment for such their crueltie. And if true Loue and Conscience liue, from Lucars lust lasciuious: Then Fame a triple crowne will giue, which lasteth aye victorious. Consci. God graunt that Conscience kaepe within the bounds of right: And that vile Lucar do not daunt, her heart with deadly spight. Loue. And grant O God that Loue be found in Citie, Towne, and Cuntry, Which causeth wealth and peace abound, and pleaseth God almightie. Fame. But Ladies, ist your pleasure to walke abroad a while, And recreate your selues with measure your sorrowes to beguile. Consci. Passe on good Fame, your steppes do frame, on you we will attend, And pray to God that holds the rod, our states for to defend. (Exeunt. The second Acte. ¶Enter Dissimulation, hauing on farmers long coat, and a cappe, and his polland beard painted motley. Dissim. Nay no lesse then a Farmar, a right honest man, But my toong can not stay me to to tell what I am: Nay who is it that knowes me not by my partie coloured head? They may well thinke that see me, my honestie is fled. Tush of the three Ladies of London. Tush a figge for honestie, tut let that goe: Sith men, women, and children my name and doinges do know, My name is Dissimulation, and no baseminde I beare, For my outwarde effectes my inward zeale doe declare: For men doe dissemble with their wiues, & their wiues with them again, So that in the heartes of them I alwayes remayne: The childe dissembles with his father, the sister with his brother, The mayden with her mistres, and the young man with his louer: There is Dissimulation betweene neighbour and neighbour, Friend and Friend one with an other. Betweene the seruaunt and his Maister, betweene brother and brother, Then why make you it straunge that euer you knew me, Seeing so often I rannge thorowout euery degree? But I forget my businesse, ile towardes London as fast as I can, To get entertainment of one of the three Ladies, like an honest man. Enter Simplicitie lyke a Miller all mealy with a wande in his hand. They say that there is preferment in London to haue, Mas and there be ile be passing and braue: Why Ile be no more a miller, because the maydens call me dusty pole, One thumpes me on the necke, and an other strikes me on the nose: And you see I am a hansome fellow marke the comporknaunce of (my stature. Faith ile goe seek paraduentures, and be a seruing-creature. Dissiim. Whither away good fellow I pray thee declare. Sympli. Mary ile clare thee, to London, would thou didst goe there. Dissim. What if I did, would it be the better for thee? Simpli. I mary should it, for I loue honest company. Dissim. Agreed, there is a bargen, but what shall I call thee? Simpli. Cause thou arte an honest man ile tell thee, my name is Simplicitie. Dissim. A name agreeing to thy nature, but stay here comes more companie. Enter Fraud with a Sword and a Buckler like a Ruffiian. Fraud. Huffe once alofte and if I may hit in the right vayne, Where I may beguile easely without any great payne: I will haunt it and braue it after the lusty swash, Ile deceiue thousandes, what care I who lye in the lashe. Dissim. What Fraud well met, whither trauellest thou this way? Fraud. To London to get entertainement there if I may, Of the three Ladyes, Lucar, Loue, and Conscience: I care not whome I serue (the Deuill) so I may get pence. Simpli. O Fraud I know thee for a deceitfall knaue, And art thou gotten so baniacion and braue: I knew thee when thou dwelledst at a place called Graues-end, And the guestes knew thee too, because thou wast not their friend: For when thou shouldst bring reckoning to the guestes, Thou would, but twise so much, and sweare it cost thy dame no lest, So thou didst beceiue them, and thy dame too: A.iii. And A pithie and pleasant Comoedie And because they spied thy knauery, away thou didst go. Then thou didst go into Hartforshire, to a place called Ware, And because horses stood at hay for a peny a night there, So that thou couldst get nothing that kind of way, Thou didst grease the horses teeth, that they should not eate hay, Then thou wouldst tell the rider his horse no haie would eate. Then the man would say, giue him some other kind of meate. Sir, shall I giue him Otes, Fitches, Pease, Barly, or Bread, But what ere thou gauest him, thou stolest three quarters when he was (in bed. And now thou art so proud with thy filching & coosening art, But I thinke one day thou wilt not be proude of the Rope and the Cart. Take a wise fellowes counsell Fraude, leaue thy coosening and filching. Fraude. Thou horson rascall swad auaunt, ile bang thee for thy brauling, How darest thou defame a Gentleman that hath so large a liuing? Simpli. A goodly Gentleman Ostler, I thinke none of all you wil beleue him. Fraude. What a clinchpoope drudge is this: I can forbeare him no more. Let Fraude make as though he would strike him, but let Dissimulation step betwene them. Dissim. My good freend Fraude refraine, and care not therefore, Tis Simplicitie that patch, he knoweth not good from bad. And to stand in contention with him, I would thinke you were mad. But tell me Fraud tell me, hast thou beene an Ostler in thy daies? Fraude. Tut I haue proued an hundred such waies: For when I could not thriue by all other trades, I became a Squire to waite vpon Iades. But then was then, and now is now, but let that passe, I am as thou seeest me, what care I the deuill what I was. Dissim. You say you go to London, in faith haue with you then, Simpli. Nay come and go with me good honest man. For if thou go with him, he will teach thee all his knauery, There is none will go with him, that hath any honestie. A bottes on thy motley beard, I knowe thee, thou art Dissimulation, And hast thou got an honest mans coat, to semble this fashion. Ile tell thee what, thou wilt euen semble and cog with thine own father, A couple of false knaues togither, a Theefe and a Broker. Thou makes townes folkes beleue, that thou art an honest man in the (cuntry, Thou doest nothing but cog, lie, and foist with hypocrisie. You shall be hanged togither, and go alone togither for me, For if I should go, the folkes would say, we were knaues all three. ¶Enter Symonie and Vserie hand in hand. Symo. Fraend Userie, I thinke we are well neare at our iourneies end: But knowest thou whome I haue espied? Vsery. No. Sym. Fraud our great freend. Vsury. And I see an other that is now come into my remembrance. Sym. Who is that? Vsury. Mary M. Dauy Dissimulation, a good helper, & our old acquaintance. Nowe of the three Ladies of London. Simpli. Nowe all the Cardes in the stock are delte about, The foure knaues in a cluster comes ruffling out. Sym. What Fraud and Dissimulation happily found out, I meruaile what peece a worke you two goe about. Fraud. Faith sir we met by chaunce, and towardes London are bent, Vsery. And to London we hye it is our chie‘est intent, To see if we can get entertainment of the Ladies or no. Dissim. And for the selfe same matter euen thither we goe. Sym. Then we are luckely well met, and seeing we wishe all for one thing, I would we our willes and wishing might winne. Simpli. Yes they will be sure to winne the Deuill and all, Or els theyle make a man to spew out his gall: Oh that vilde Usery, he lent my father a little money, and for breaking (one day he tooke the fee-simple of his house and mill quite away: And yet he borrowed not halfe a quarter so much as it cost, But I thinke if he had had but a shilling it had bene lost: So he kild my father with sorrow, and undoed me quite, And you deale with him sirs you shall finde him a knaue full of spight. And Symony I yse I, Symony too he is a knaue for the nonce. He loues to haue twenty liuinges at once, And if he let an honest man as I am to haue one, Hele let it so deare that he shalbe undone: And he seekes to get Parsons liuinges into his hand, And puts in some odd dunce that to hys payment will stand: So if the parsonage be worth forty or fifty pound a yeare, He will geue one twentie nobles to mumble seruice once a month there. Symony and Vsurie both. What rascall is he that speaketh by us such villony. Dissim. Sirs he was at vs earewhile too, it is no matter, it is a simple soule called Simplicitie. Enter Loue and Conscience. But here come two of the Ladyes therefore make readie. Fraud. But which of vs all shall first breake the matter. Dissim. Mary let Symony do it, for he finely can flatter. Vsery. Nay sirs because none of vs shall haue preheminence aboue other: We will sing in fellowship together like brother and brother. Sym. Of troth agreed my maisters let it be so, Simpli. Nay and they sing, ile sing to. The Song. Good Ladyes take pittie and graunt our desire. Conscience reply. Speake boldly and tell me what ist you require. Their reply. Your seruice good Ladyes, is that we doe craue. Her reply. We like not, nor list not such seruauntes to haue. A.iiii. Their A pithie and pleasaunt Comoedie. Their replie. If you entertaine vs, we trustye will be: But if you refraine vs, then moste vnhapye. We will come, we will runne, we will bend at your beck: We will plye, we will hye, for feare of your check. Her reply. You doe fayne, you doe flatter, you doe lye you doe prate, You will steale, you will Robbe, you will kill in your hate. I denie you, I defie you, then sease of your talking: I refraine you, I disdaine you, therfore get you walking. Consci. What Fraud, Dissimulation, Usery, and Symony, How dare you for shame presume so bouldly. As once to shew yaur selues before Loue and Conscience, Not yealding your lewd liues first to repentaunce: Thinke you not that God will plague you for your wicked practises, If you intend not to amend your vilde liues so amisse? Thinke you not God knowes your thoughtes, words, and workes, And what secret mischiefes in the heartes of you lurkes? Then how dare you to offend his heauenly maiestie, With your dissembling deceite, your flatterie and your vsery. Fraud. Tut sirs, seeing Ladie Conscience is so scrippolous, Let vs not speake to her, for I see it is friuolous: But what say you Lady Loue, will you graunt vs fauour? Loue. Ile no suche seruauntes, so ill of behauiour: Seruauntes more fitter for Lucar then Loue, And happie are they which refraine for to proue: Shamelesse, pittilesse, gracelesse, and quite past honestie, Then who of good conscience, but will hate your companie. Vsery. Here is scripolous Conscience, and nice Loue in deede, Tush if they will not other will, I know we shall speede. Simpli. But Lady I stand still behinde, for I am none of their companie, Consci. Why, what art thou? oh I know thou art Simplicitie. Simpli. I fayth, I am Simplicitie, and would fayne serue yee. Consci. No, I may haue no fooles to dwell with me. Simpli. Why, then Lady Loue will you haue me than. Loue. I Simplicitie thou shalt be my man. Simpli. But shall I be your good man? Loue. I my good man indeede. Simpli. I but I would be your good man, and swap vp a wedding with good (speed. Loue. No, Loue may not marrie in any case with Simplicitie, But if thou wilt serue me, ile receaue thee willingly, And if thou wilt not, what remedie. Simpli. Yes I will serueye, but will you goe into dinner for I am hungry, Loue. Come Ladie Conscience, pleaseth you to walke home from this com-(pany? Consci. With right good will for their sightes pleaseth not me. Exeunt, Lady Loue and Conscience. Fraud. Fraud is the clobish knaue, and Usery the hard harted knaue: And Simony the dyamon daintie knaue, And Dissimulation the spitefull knaue of Spade. Come of the three Ladies of London. Come there any moe knaues, come there any moe: I see fower knaues stand in a rowe. Let Fraud runne at him, and let Simplicitie runne in, and come out againe straight. Fraud. Away Drudge be gone quickely. Simpli. I wous doe thrust out my eyes with a Lady. Exit Simplicitie. Vsery. Did you euer see Gentlemen so rated at before, But it skilles not, I hope one day to turne them both out of dore. Sym. We were arrantly flowted, rayled at, and skoft in our kinde, That same Conscience is a vild terrour to mans minde: Yet faith I care not, for I haue borne many more then these. When I was conuersaunt with the Clergy beyond the Seas: And he that will liue in this world must not care what such say, For they are blossomes blown down, not to be found after May. Fraud. Faith care that care will, for I care not a poynt, I have shift it hitherto, and whilest I liue I will ieoberd a ioynt: And at my death I will leaue my inheritour behinde, That shalbe of the right stampe to follow my minde: Therefore let them prate till their heartes ake, and spit out their euill, She cannot quaile me if she came in likenesse of the great deuill. Dissim. Masse Fraud thou hast a doughtie heart to make a hangman off, For thou hast good skill to helpe men from the coffe: But we were arrantly flowted, yet I thought she had not known me, But I perceiue though Dissimulatio do disguise him, Conscience can see, What though Conscience perceiue it, all the worlde cannot beside? Tush there be a thousand places where we our selues may prouide: But looke sirs here commeth a lustie Lady towardes vs in haste, But speake to her if you will, that we may be all plaste. Enter Lady Lucar. Vsery. I pray thee doe, for thou art the likeliest to speede. Dissim. Why then ile tout with a stomacke in hope of good speede. Faire Lady, al y Gods of good fellowship kisse ye (I would say blisse ye, Lucar. Thou art very pleasant & ful of thy roperipe (I would say Retorick, Dissim. Ladie you tooke me at the worste, I beseeche you therefore. To pardon my bouldnesse, offending no more. Lucar. We do the matter is not great, but what wouldest thou haue? How shall I call thee, and what ist thou doest craue? Dissim. I am called Dissimulation, and my earnest request, Is to craue entertainment for me and the rest: Whose names are Fraud, Usery and Symony, Great carers for your health, wealth, and prosperity. Lucar. Fraud, Dissimulation, Usery, and Symonie, Now truely I thanke you for profering your seruice to me: You are all hartily welcome, and I will appoint straight way, B.i. Where A pithie and pleasaunt Comoedie Where ethe one in his office in great honour shall stay: But Usery didst thou neuer knowe my Graundmother the olde Lady Lucar of Uenice. Vsury. Yes Madam I was seruaunt vnto her and liued there in blisse. Lucar. But why camest thou into England, seeing Uenis is a Cittie? Where Usery by Lucar may liue in great glory. Vsery. I haue often heard your good graundmother tell, That she had in England a daughter, which her farre did excell: And that England was suche a place for Lucar to bide, As was not in Europe and the whole world beside: Then lusting greatly to see you, the countrey, and she being dead, I made haste to come ouer to serue you in her stead. Lucar. Gramercie Userie, and I doubt not but that you shal liue here as ple-(santly, I and pleasaunter too, if it may be, but Simonie from whence came ye, tell me. Sym. My birth, nurserie, and bringing vp hitherto, hath bene in Rome, that auncient Religious Cittie: On a time, the Monkes and Fryers made a banquet, whereunto they inuited me: With certaine other some English Merchauntes whiche belike were of their familiaritie. So talking of many matters, amongst others, one began to debate, Of the aboundant substaunce still brought to that state: Some said the encrease of their substaunce and wealth, Came from other Princes, and brought thether by stealth. But the Friars and Monkes, with all the ancient company, Said that it first came, and is now vpholden by me Symony: Whiche the English Merchantes gaue eare to: then they flattered a little (to much As English me can do for aduatage, whe increase it doth tutch. And being a shipbourd mery, and ouercome with drinke on a day, The winde serued, they hoyst sayle, and so brought me away: And landing here, I heard in what great estimation you were, Made bolde to your honour to make my repayre. Lucar. Well Symonie I thanke thee, but as for Fraud and Dissimulation, I know their long continuance and after what fashion: Therefore Dissimulation, you shalbe my Steward, An office that euery mans case by you must be preferred. And you Fraud shall be my rent-gatherer, my leater of Leases and my purchaser of Land. So that many olde bribes will come to thy hand. And Userie because I knowe you be trustie, you shall be my Secretariy. To deale amongest Merchantes, to bargen and exchaunge money. And Symony because you are a slie fellow and haue your tongue liberal, I will place you ouer such matters as are Ecclesiasticall. And though I appoint sundry offices where now you are in, Yet ioyntly I meane to vse you together oft times in one thing: All. Lady we rest at your commaund in ought we can or may. Lucar. Then Maister Dauy to my Pallas haste thee awaie, And will craftie Conueyaunce my Butler to make readie, The of the three Ladies of London. The best fare in my house to welcome thee and thy companie. But staie Dissimulation, I my selfe will go with thee Gentlemen Ile goe before, but pray in any case: So soone as ye please resorte to my place. Exeunt, Dissim. & Lucar. Symo. I warrant you Ladie, we will not long absent be, Vsery. Fellow Symonie this fell out patt, so well as heart could wish, We are cunning Anglers, we haue caught the fattest fish. I perceaue it true that her graundmother tould, Here is good to be done, by vse of siluer and gould: And sith I am so wel setled in this Countrey, I wil pinche al, riche and poore that come to me. Sym. And sirra when I was at Rome, and dwelt in the Friarie, They would talk how England yearly sent ouer a great masse of monie: And chat this little Iland was more worth to the Pope, Then three bigger Realmes, which had a great deale more scope. For here were smoke pence, Peter pence, and Pawle pence to be paide, Besides muche other money that to the Popes vse was made: Why it is but lately, since the Pope receiued this fine, Not muche more then 26. yeares, it was in Queene Maries time. But I thinke England had neuer knowne what this geare had ment, If Frier Iusten from the Pope had not hither bene sent: For the Pope hearing it to be a little Iland, sent him with a great armie ouer. And winning the victory, hee landed about Rye, Sandwiche or Douer. Then he erected Lawes, hauing the people in subiection, So for the most part, England hath paide tribute so long: I hearing of the great store, and wealth in the Countrie, Could not chuse but perswade my selfe the people loued Symonie. Vsery. But staie your talke till some other time, we forget my Ladie. Symo. Of troth you say true: for she bad vs make haste, But my talke me thought sauoured well, and had a good taste. Exeunt ambo. Enter Mercadore like an Italian Merchant. Merca. I iudge in my minde a dat me be not vare farr From da place where dwels my Lady Lucar: But he come an shently mane a soe he doe. Enter Dissimulation. Shentleman, I praie you heartily let me speake you, Pray you doe you not know a shentleman dat Maister Dauy doe call? Dissim. Yes mary doe I, I am he, and what would you withall? Merca. Gooda my frend Maister Dauy, help me I pray you hartily, For a summa acquaintaunce a with Madona Lucar your Lady: B.ii. Sir A pithie and pleasaunt Comoedie Sir upon condition, I will therfore I would you should know, That on me and my fellowes you must largely bestow: Whose names are Fraud, Usery, and Symony men of great credite and (callingAnd to get my Ladies good will and theirs it is no small thing: But tell me can you be content to winne Lucar by Dissimulation? Merca. A good a my frend doe ara me no shush a question, For he dat will liue in the world, must be of the world sure, And de world will loue his own, so long as the world indure. Enter Lucar. Dissim. I commend your wit Sir, but here comes my Lady. Merca. Come hither heers to tree Crownes for de speke me. Dissim. Well sir I thanke you, I will goe speake for you. Lucar. Maister Dauy Dissimulation what new acquaintance haue ye gotte (there, Dissim. Such a one Madam that vnto your state hath great care: And surely in my minde the Gentleman is worthie, To be well thought on for his liberalitie, bountie, & great care to seek yee. Lucar. Gentleman you are hartly welcome, howe are you called, I pray you (tell vs? Merca. Madona, me be a Mershant and be cald senior Merkadorus. Lucar. But I pray you tell me what Countriman. Merca. Me be Madona an Italian. Lucar. Yet let me trouble ye, I beseeche ye whence came ye? Merca. For sarua voutra boungrace, me come from Turkie. Lucar. Gramercie, but senior Mercadore dare you not to vndertake, Secretlie to conuey good commodities out of this countrey for my sake? Lucar. Madona, me doe for loue of you tinck no paine to mush, And to doe any ting for you me will not grush: Me will a forsake a my Fader, Moder, King, Countrey & more den dat. Me will lie and forsweare me selfe for a quarter so much as my hat. What is dat for loue of Lucar me dare or will not doe: Me care not for all the world, the great Deuill, nay make my God angry for you. Lucar. You say well Mercadorus, yet Lucar by this is not thorowly wonne, But geue eare and I will shew, what by thee must be done: Thou must carry ouer Wheate, Pease, Barly, Oates, and Fitches and all kinde of graine, Whiche is well sould beyond sea, and bring suche Merchauntes great gaine. Then thou must carie beside Leather, Tallow, Beefe, Bacon, Belmettell and euery thing. And for these good commodities, trifles to Englande thou must bryng. As Bugles to make bables, coloured bones, glasse, beades, to make brace- lettes withall: For euery day Gentlewomen of England doe aske for suche trifles from stall to stall. And you must bryng more, as Amber, Ieat, Corall, Christall, and euery such bable, That of the three Ladies of London. That is slight, prettie and pleasant, they care not to haue it profitable. And if they demaund wherefore your wares and merchandize agree, You must say Ieat wil take vp a strawe, Amber will make one fat, Corrall will looke pale when you be sicck, and Chrstall wil staunch blood. So with lying, flattering, and glosing you must vtter your ware, And you shall winne me to your will, if you can deceitfully sweare. Merca. Tinke ye not dat me haue carried ouer corne, Ledar, Beefe and Bacon too all tis while: And brought hedar many bables dese cuntry men to beguile? Yes, shall me tell you Madona, me and my cuntrimans haue sent ouer, bell mettell for make ordinance, yea and ordinance it selfe beside, Dat my cuntry, and oder cuntreys be so well furnisht as dis cuntry, and has neuer beene spide. Lucar. Now I perceiue you loue me, and if you continue in this still, You shall not onely be with me, but command me when & where you wil. Merca. Lady, for to do all dis, and more for you, me be content: But I tinke some skall knaue will put a bill in da Parlament. For dat such a tings shall not be brought here. Lucar. Tush Mercadore, I warrant thee, thou needest not to feare: What and one do: there is same other will flatter and say, They do no hurt to the cuntry, and with a sleight fetch that bill away. And if they do not so, that by acte of Perlament it be past, I know you Merchants haue many a sleight and subtill cast. So that you will by stealth bring ouer great store: And say it was in the Realme a long time before. For beeing so many of these trifles heere as there are at this day, You may increase them at pleasure when you send ouer sea. And do but giue the searcher an odde bribe in his hand, I warrant you he will let you scape roundly with such things in and out (the land But Senior Mercadore, I pray you walke in with me, And as I find you kind to me, so wil I fauour ye. Merca. Me tanke my good Lady, But M. Master Dissimulation, heere is for your fellowes, Fraude, Usury, and Symony, and say me giue it dem. Exeunt Lucar and Mercadore. Dissim. I mary Sir, these bribes haue beene, Good faith I perceiue Dissimulation, Fraud, Usurie, and Symony shall (liue, In spite of Loue & Conscience, though their harts it doth greeue. Mas maisters, he that cannot lie, cog, dissemble, and flatter now a daies, Is not worthie to liue in the world, nor in the Court to haue praise. ¶Enter Artifex an Artificer. Artifex. I beseech you good M. Master Dissimulation, befrend a poore man, To serue Lady Lucar, and sure sir ile consider it hereafter if I can. Dissim. What consider me? doest thou thinke that I am a bribe taker? Faith it lies not in me to further thy matter. Artifex. Good M. Master Dissimulation helpe me, I am almost quite vndoone, But yet my liuing hitherto with good Conscience I haue woonne. But my true working, my early rising, and my late going to bed, B.iii. Is A pithie and pleasant Comoedie Is scant able to find my selfe, wife and children drie bread: For there be such a sort of straungers in this cuntry, That worke fine to please the eie, though it be deceitfully, And that which is slight, and seemes to the eie well, Shall sooner then a peece of good worke be proffered to sell. And our english men be growne so foolish and nice, That they will not giue a peny aboue the ordinarie price. Dissim. Faith I cannot helpe thee, tis my fellow Fraude must pleasure thee. Here comes my fellow Fraud, speake to him, and ile do what I can. ¶Enter Fraude. Artif x. I beseech you be good vnto me right honest Gentleman. Fraude. Why and whereto? What wouldest thou haue me do? Artifex. That my poore estate you will so much prefer: As to get me to be a workman to Lady Lucar. And Sir I doubt not but to please you so well for your paine, That you shal thinke very well of me, if I in her seruice remaine. Dissim. Good fellow Fraude do so much, for I see he is very willing to liue, And some peece of worke to thee for thy paines he will giue. Fraud. Well vpon that condition I will, but I care not so much for his gifts, As that he will by my name declare how he came by his great thrifts. And that he will sette out in euery kind of thing, That Fraud is a good husband, and great profit doth bring. Therefore the next peece of worke that thou doest make, Let me see how deceitfull thou wilt do it for my sake. Artifex. Yes sir I will sir, of that be you sure, Ile honor your name, while life doth endure. Fraud. Fellow Fraud, heere comes a Citizen as I deeme. Fraude. Nay rather a Lawier, or some petty fogger he doth seeme. ¶Enter a Lawyer. Lawyer Gentlemen, my earnest suite is to desire yee, That vnto your Ladies seruice you would helpe mee: For I am an Attorney of the Law, and pleeder at the Bar, And haue a great desire to plead for Ladie Lucar. I haue beene earnest Sir, as is needfull in such a case, For feare an other come before me, and obtaine my place. I haue pleaded for Loue and Conscience till I was wearie, I had manie Clyants, and manie matters, that made my purse light, and my hart heauie. Therefore let them pleade for Conscience that list for me, Ile plead-no more for such as brings nothing but beggerie. Dissim. Sir vpon this condition that you will keepe men in the Law, Ten or twelue yeeres for matters that are not worth a straw. And that you will make an ill matter seeme good, and firmable in deede, Faith I am content for my part you shall speede. Fraude. Nay fellow, thou knowest that Symony & Usery hath an ill matter in (law at this time, Now if thou canst handell the matter so subtil & fine, As of the three Ladies of London. As to pleade that ill matter good and firmable at the Bar, Then thou shalt shew thy selfe worthie to win Lady Lucar. Therefore tell me if you can and will do it or no. Yf you do it, be sure to get my Ladies good will ere you goe. Dissim. By my honestie well remembred, I had quite forgot, Tis about that, a fortnight ago fell out the matter I wot. Lawier Tush Sir, I can make blacke white, and white blacke againe, Tut he that will qe a Lawyer, must haue a thousand waies to faine. And manie times we Lawiers do one befreend an other, And let good matters slip, tut we agree like brother and brother. Why Sir what shall let vs to wrest and turne the Law as we list? Seeing we haue them printed in the palmes of our fist. Therefore doubt you not, but make bold report, That I came, and wil plead their ill cause in good kind of sort. Fraude. Of troth how likest thou this fellow Dissimulation? Dissim. Mary I like him wel, he is a cunning Clarke, and one of our professiō. But come Sir go with vs and we wil prefer you. Artifex. Good M. Master Fraud remember me. Fraude. Leaue thy prating, I will I tell thee Artifex. Good M. Master Dissimulation thinke on m ? Dissim. Thou art too importunate and greedie. Fraude. Come after dinner, or some other time when we are at leysure. Dissim Fraud.and Lawyer exeunt. Artifex. Come after dinner or some other time, I thinke so indeed, For full litle do they thinke of a poore mans need. These fellowes will do nothing for pittie and loue, And thrise happy are they that hath no need them to proue. God he knowes the world is growne to such a stay, That men must vse Fraud and Dissimulation too, or beg by the way. Therefore ile do as the most doth, the fewest shall laugh me to scorne, And be a fellow amongst good fellowes to hold S. Saint Lukes horne. Exit. ¶Enter Simplicitie and Sinceritie. Sincer. Good coossen Simplicitie do some what for me? Sympli. Yes faith coossen Sinceritie, ile do any thing for thee. What wouldst for me do for thee canst tell that? Mas I cannot tell what shouldst do for me, except thou wouldst giue me a new hat. Sincer. Alas I am not able to giue thee a new. Simpli. Why I maruell then how thou doest doe. Doest thou get thy liuing amongst beggars from doore to doore? Indeed coossen Sinceritie, I had thought thou wast not so poore. Sincer. Nay coossen Simplicitie, I got my liuing hardly, but yet I hope iust, And with good Conscience too, although I am restrained from my lust. But this is it coossen Simplicite, I would request you to do for me: Which is, to get Lady Loue and Lady Conscience hand to a letter: That by their meanes I may get some Benefice to make mee liue the better. Simpli. Yes Ile doe so much for thee coossen, but hast thou any heere? B.iiii. I A pithie and pleasant Comoedie Sincer. I, behold, they are ready drawne, if assined they were. ¶Let Simplicitie make as though he read it, and looke quite ouer, meane while let Conscience enter. Sympli. Let me see coossen, for I can reade: Mas tis brauely doone, didst thou it in deede? Mistrus Conscience, I haue a matter to bequest you too. Consci. What ist? I doubt not but tis some wise thing if it be for you. Simpli. Mary my coossen Sinceretie, wad besire to scribe these papers here, That he may get some preferment, but I know not where. Consci. Be these your letters? what would you haue me do, and how shal I cal (yee? Sincer. Lady, my name is Sinceritie. Consci. And from whence come yee? Siucer. I came from Oxford: but in Cambridge I, Hauing nothing, thought good if I could, to make better my state. But if I had in steede of Diuinitie, the Lawe, Astronomie, Astrologie, Phisiognomie, Palmestrie, Arithmetike, Logicke, Musicke, Phisicke, or any such thing, I had not doubted then, but to haue had some better liuing. But Diuines that preach the word of God sincerely and truly, Are in these dayes litle or nothing at all set by. God grant the good Preachers be not taken away for our vnthankfulnes, There was neuer more preaching and lesse following, the people liue so amiss But what is he y may not on the saboth day attend to heare Gods word? But we wil rather runne to bowles, sit at the alehouse, then one houre af-(foord: Telling a tale of Robin hoode, sitting at Cardes, playing at kettels, or els some other vaine thing: That I feare Gods vengeance on our heades it will bring, God graunt amendment, but Lady Conscience I pray, In my behalfe vnto Lncar do what ye may. Simpli. Mas my coossen can say his booke well, I had not thought it, Hes worthy to haue a Benefice, and it will hit. Consci. God be blessed Sinceritie, for the good comfort I haue of thee: I would it lay in vs to pleasure such beleeue me. We will do what we can: But vltra posse non est esse, you know, It is Lucar that hath brought vs poore soules so low. For we haue sould our house, we are brought so poore: And feare by her shortly to be shut out of doore. Yet to subscribe our name we will with all our hart, Perchaunce for our sakes some thing she will impart. Come hither Simplicitie, let me write on thy backe. Simpli. Here is the right picture of that fellow that sits in the corner. ¶Enter Hospitalitie while she is a writing. Hospi. Lady, me thinkes you are busie. Consci. I haue done sir, I was setting my hand to a letter to Lucar for our frand of the three Ladies of London. freend Sinceritie. But I would Ladie Loue were heere too. Hospi. She is at home with me, but if you please so much in her behalf I wil (doo. Consci. I praye hartily, and it shall suffise the turne well inow: Good Simplicitie, once more thy bodie do bow. Simpli. I thinke I shall serue to be a washing blocke for you. I would do it for you, but I am afraid yonder boy will mocke me. Hospi. No I warrant thee. Consci. Here take thy letters Sinceritie, and I wish them prosperous to thee. Sincer. I yeeld you most hartie thanks my good Ladie. Hospi. Ladie Conscience, pleaseth it you to walke home to dinner with me? Cons. I geue you thankes my good freend Hospitalitie. But I pray you sir, haue you inuited to dinner any straunger? Hospi. No sure, none but Lady Loue, and 3. or 4. honest neighbors. Simpli. Mas my Ladie is gotten to dinner alreadie, I beleeue she rose at ten a clocke she is so hungrie. What and I should come to dinner, hast thou anie good cheere? Hospi. I haue bread and beare, one ioint of meat, and welcome thy best fare. Simpli. Why, art thou called Hospitalitie, and hast no better cheare then that? Ile tell thee, if thou hast no more meat for so manie, theile nere be fat. What if my coossen nay I my selfe alone, to dinner should come? Where should my Lady and the rest dine? for I could eate vp euery croom, Thou art an olde miser, doest thou keepe no better fare in thy house? Hast no greate Bagge Pudding, nor Hogges face, that is caled Sowse? Hospi. My freende, Hospitalitie doth not consiste in great fare and banqueting, But in dooing good vnto the Poore, and to yeelde them some refreshing, Therefore if thou and Sinceritie will come and take part, Such as I haue Ile giue you with a free and willing hart. Exeunt Hospitalitie and Conscience. Simpli. He speakes well coossen, lets go to dinner with him. The olde man shall not thinke but we will pleasure him. Faith he might haue richer fellowes, then we to take his part, But he shall neuer haue better eating fellowes if hee woulde swelte his hart. Here be them will eate with the proudest of them. I am sure my mother said I could eate so much as fiue men. Nay I haue a gift for eating I tell yee. For our Maides would neuer beleeue I put all the meate in my bellie, But I haue spide a knaue, my Ladie Lucars cogging man, Geue me your letters coossen, ile prefar ye if I can. ¶Enter Dissimulation. Sincer. Dissimulation, out vpon him, he shall be no spokeman for me. Sympli. Why then you are a foole coossen Sinceritie, Geue me am, I tell ye, I know hele do it for me. C. Seeing A pithie and pleasant Comoedie Sinceri. Seeing thou wilt haue it, heere receiue it, but yet it greeues my hart, That this dissembling wretch should speaks on my part. Simpli. Heare ye sir, I would bequest to liuer this letter, To your good wholesome mistris Ladie Lucar. Dissim. Where hadst thou it tell me? Simpli. Marie of my coossen Sinceritie. Dissim. Why I haue nothing to do in it, tis not to me thou shouldst come, I haue not to doe with Sincerities matters, tis my fellowe Symonies roome. Sinceri. Thou art a kinne to the Lawyer, thou wilt doo nothing without a fee, But thou, Fraude, Usurie, nor yet Symonie, shall doe nothing for me. And thou wilt do it do it, and thou wilt not chuse, Both thee and their dealing I hate and refuse. Dissim. Why, and I am not bound to thee so farre as knaue goe, And therefore in despite of thee and thy coossen there thy letters be. What, thinkest thou by captious words to make me doo it? Let them deliuer your Letters that hath a stomacke to it. Simpli. Faith coossen hes such a testren and proud sembling knaue, That hele do nothing les some briberie he haue. Thers a great many such promoting knaues, that gets their liuing, With nothing els but facing, lying, swearing, and flattering. Why hee has a face like a blacke Dogge, and blusheth like the backe side of a chimney, Twas not for nothing thy Godfathers a cogging name gaue thee. ¶Enter Ladie Lucar. But heere comes his Mistrisse Ladie Lucar, Now coossen Ile liuer your letter. Mistrisse Lady Lucar heeres a letter for yee. Lucar. Hast thou a letter for me? Simpli. I by Saint Marie. How say you coossen, she reades your letter? And you can flatter perhaps ye shall speede better. Sinceri. Thou speakest the truth Simplicitie, for flatterers nowe a daies, Liue Gentlemen-like, and with prating get praise. Lucar. Sir, I haue read the tenure of your letter, wherein I finde, That at the request of Loue and Conscience I should shew my self kind In bestowing some spirituall liuing on ye, parsonage, or Benefice, It seemes it stands greatly in neede, as appeeres by this. And trust me I would do for you, but it lies not in mee, For I haue referred all such matters to my seruant Symonie. You must speake to him, and if you can get his good will, Then be sure of mine, their minds to fulfill. Since. Ladie, I shall neuer get his good will, because I want abilitie, For he will do nothing except I bring monie. And if you graunt it not, then tis past all doubt, I shall be neuer the better, but go quite without. Dissim. Madam, I can tell what you may giue, Not of the three Ladies of London. Not hurting your selfe whereby he may liue. And without my fellowe Symonies consent, If to followe my minde you are anie whit bent. Lucar. Pray thee what is it? for thou knowest while for their house I am in bargaining, And it be neuer so little, I must seeme to do some thing. Dissim. Why, haue not you the parsonage of S. Saint Nihil to bestowe? If you giue him that, Symonie shall neuer knowe. Lucar. Indeed thou saiest true: Drawe neere Sinceritie, Loe, for their sakes I will bestowe frankly on thee. Ile giue thee the Parsonage of S. Saint Nihil, to pleasure them withall, And such an other to it, if thou watch till it fall. Simpli. My Ladie axes you when you will take possession of your house, and lend the rest of the money. Lucar. What are they so hastie? belike they spent it merily. Simpli. Faith no, for they would eate it if they could get it, when they are a hungrie. But you may be happie, for you haue sped well to day, (speaking to Sinceritie. You may thanke God and good companie that you came this way. The Parsonage of S. Saint Michels, bir Ladie if you haue nothing els, You shall be sure of a liuing, beside a good ring of Bels. Coossen ile tel thee what thou shalt do, sell the bels, and make monie. Sincer. Thou maiest well be Simplicitie, for thou shewest thy follie. I haue a Parsonage, but what? of S. Saint Nihil, and Nihil is nothing, Then where is the Church, or any Belles for to ring? Thou vnderstandest her not, she was set for to flout, I thought comming in their names I should go without. Tis easie to see that Lucar loues not Loue and Conscience: But God I trust will one day yeeld her iust recompence. Sympli. Coossen, you saide that some thing to me you would giue, When you had gotten preferment of Lucar to liue: And I trust you will remember your poore coossen Simplicitie, You know to Lady Conscience and ery bodie I did speake for you. Sinceri. Good Simplicitie holde thy peace, my state is yet naught, I will helpe thee sure, if euer I get ought. But heere comes Sir Nicholas Nemo, to him I will go, And see if for their sakes he will any thing bestow. ¶Enter Sir Nicholas Nemo. Nemo. You come from Loue and Conscience, as seemeth me heere, My speciall good freends, whome I account of most deere. And you are called Sinceritie your state shewes the same: You are welcome to me for their sakes, and for your owne name. And for their sakes you shall see what I will do for you, Without Dissimulation, Fraude, Usurie, or Symonie: For they will do nothing without some kind of gaine, Such cankered corruption in their harts doth remaine. But come in to dinner with me, and when you haue dinde, C.ii you A pithie and pleasant Comoedie you shall haue. Presently go out. Sinceri. You shall haue, but what? a liuing that is blowne downe with the winde. Simpli. Now coossen dismember your freends, seeing two liuings you haue. One that this man promist, and an other that Lady Lucar gaue. Mad youl be a iolly man, and you had three or foure more, Lets beg apace coossen and we shall get great store. Do thou get some more letters, and ile get them scribed of Mistris Loue and Conscience, And wele go beg liuings togither, wele beg no small pence. How saiest thou coossen Sinceritie, wut do so mich, If we can speake faire and semble, we shalbe plaguie rich. Sinceri. Good Simplicitie content thee, I am neuer the better for this, I must of force leaue off, for I see how vaine it is. It bootes not Sinceritie to sue for releefe, So few regard that to me is a greefe. This was Nicholas Nemo, and no man hath no place, Then how can I speede well in this heauie case. If no man bid me to dinner, when shall I dine? Or how shall I finde him, where, when, and at what time? Wherefore the reliefe I haue had, and shall haue, is small, But to speake truth, the reliefe is nothing at all. But come Simplicitie, let vs go see what may bee had, Sinceritie in these daies was sure borne to be sad. Simpli. Come lets go to dinner coossen, for the Gentleman I think hath almost dinde. But and I get vittals enough, I warrant you I will not be behinde. Since. What if thou canst not get it, then how wilt thou eate? Simpli. Mary on this fashion, with both handes at once, ye shall see when I get meate. Sinceri. Why his name was Nemo, and Nemo hath no being. Simpli. I beleeue coossen you be not hungrie, that you stand prating. Faith ile go do him a pleasure, because he hath neede, Why and he will needes haue his meate eate, a shall see how ile feede. I beleeue he will not bid me come againe to him, Mas and he do, a shall find a fellow that has his eating. Exeunt ambo. Enter Vsury and Conscience. Vsury. Lady Conscience, is thereany bodie within your house can you tell? Consci. There is no bodie at all be ye sure, I know certainly well. Vsury. You know when one comes to take possession of anie peece of Land, There must not bee one within, for against the order of Lawe it doth stand. Therefore I thought good to aske you, but I praye you thinke not amisse: For bothe you, and almost all others knowes, that an olde custome it is. You of the three Ladies of London. Consci. You say truth, take possession when you please, good leaue I rnder ye, Doubt you not, there is neither man, woman nor childe, that will or shall hinder you. Vsery. Why then I will be bould to enter. Exit. Consci. Who is more bould then Usery to venter? He maketh the matter daungerous where is no neede at all, But he thinkes it not perillous to seeke euerie mans fall: Both he and Lucar hath so pincht vs, we know not what to doe, Were it not for Hospitalitie, we knewe not whither to goe. Great is the miserie that we poore Ladies abide, And much more is the crueltie of Lucar and Userie beside. O Conscience thou art not accompted of, O Loue thou art little set by, For almost euery one, true loue, and pure conscience doth deny: So hath Lucar crept into the bosome of man, woman, and childe, That euery one doth practise his deare friend to beguile. But God graunt Hospitalitie be not by them ouer prest, In whome all our staie and chiefest comfort doth rest: But Usery hates Hospitalitie, and cannot him abide, Because he for the poore and comfortlesse doth prouide. Here he comes, that hath vndone many an honest man, And daily seekes to destroy, deface, and bring to ruine if he can. Now sir, haue you taken possession as your deare Lady wild you? Enter Vsurie. Vsery. I haue done it, and I thinke you haue receaued your money, But this to you: my Lady wild me to bid you prouide some other house out of hand. For she would not by her will, haue Loue and Conscience to dwell in her land. Therefore I would wish you to prouide ye, So ye should saue charges, for a lesse house may serue. Consci. I pray you hartily let vs staie there, and we wil be content To geue you ten pound a yeare, which is the olde rent. Vsery. Tenne pound a yeare, that were a stale ieast: If I should take the olde rent to follow your request, Nay after fortie pounde a yeare, you shall haue it for a quarter: And you may thinke too, I greatly befriend ye in this matter: But no longer then for a quarter to you ile set it, For perhaps my Ladie shall sell it, or els to some other will let it? Consci. Well, sith we are driuen to this hard and bitter drift, We accept, it and are contented to make bare and hard shift. Vsurie. Then get you gone, and see at a day your rent be readie. Consci. We must haue pacience perforce seeing there is no remedie. Exit Conscience. Vsery. What a foole was I, it repentes me I haue let it so reasonable, I might so well haue had after threescore, as suche a trifle: For A pithie and pleasaunt Comoedie For seeing they were distressed, they would haue geuen largely. I was a right sot, but ile be ouerseene no more beleue me. Enter Mercadore. Merca. Ah my good a friend a maister Userie, be my trot you be bery well mette: Me be muche behoulding vnto you for your good will, me be in your debt. But a me take a your part so much against a scalde olde chirle called Hospitalitie: Did speake against you, and sayes you bring good honest men to beg- gerie. Vsury. I thanke Sir, did he speake suche euill of me as you now say? I doubt not but to reward him for his trecherie one day. Merca. But I pray tell a me how fare a my Ladie all dis while? Vsury. Marie verie Sir, and here she comes if my selfe I do not beguile. Enter Lucar. Lucar. What seneor Mercadore I haue not seene you many a day, I maruel what is the cause you kept so lonh a way? Merca. Shall me say to you Madama dat me haue had much businesse for you in hand, For send away good commodities out of dis little Countrey Eng- land: Me haue nowe sent ouer Brasse, Copper, Pewter, and many odar ting: And for dat me shall ha for Gentlewomans fine trifles, that great pro- fite will bring. Lucar. I perceaue you haue bene mindefull of me for whiche I thanke yee: But Userie tell me, how haue you spedde in that you went about? Vsery. Indifferently Lady; you neede not to doubt, I haue taken possession, and because they were destitute: I haue leat it for a quarter my tale to conclude. Marry I haue a little raised the rent, but it is but after forty pound by the yeare: But if it were to let now, I would let it more deare. Lucar. Indeede tis but a trifle, it makes no matter, I force it not greatly, being but for a quarter. Merca. Madona me tell yet vat you shall doe, let dem to straunger dat are content To dwell in a little roome, and to pay muche rent: For you know da french mans and fleminges in dis countrey be many, So dat they make shift to dwell ten houses in one very gladly: And be content & for pay fiftie or three score pound a yeare, For dat whiche da English mans say twenty marke is to deare. Lucar. Why senior Mercadore thinke you not that I Haue of the three Ladies of London. Haue infinite numbers in London that my want doth supply. Beside in Bristow, Northhampton, Norwich, Weschester, Caunterbury, Douer, Sandwich, Rie, Porchmouth, Plimmoth, and many moe, That great rentes vpon little roome doe bestow. Yes I warrant you, and truely I may thanke the straungers for this, That they haue made houses so deare, whereby I liue in blisse. But senior Mercadore, dare you to trauell vndertake: And goe amongest the Moores, Turkes, and Pagans for my sake? Merca. Madona, me dare a goe to de Turkes, Moores, Paganes and more too. What doe me care and me goe to da great deuill for you- Commaund a me Maddam, and you shall see plaine, Data for your sake me refuse a no paine. Lucar. Then senior Mercadore I am forthwith to send ye From hence, to search for some new toyes in Barbary or Turky, Such trifles as you thinke will please wantons best: For you know in this Countrey tis their chiefest request. Merca. Indeede de Gentlewomans here buy so much vaine toyes, Dat me straungers laugh a to tinke wherein day haue their Ioyes: Fayt Madona me will searche all da straunge countreys me can tell, But me will haue such tinges dat please dese Gentlewomans vell. Lucar. Why then let vs prouide thinges readie to haste you away. Merca. A voutro commaundamento Madona me obay. Exeunt. Enter Symony and Peter please man like a Parson. Symo. Now proceede with your tale and ile heare thee. Peter. And so sir as I was about to tell you: This same Presco, and this same Cracko be both my parishioners nowe, And sir they fell out meruailously together about you: The same Cracko tooke your part, and said that the Clergie Was vpholden by you and maintained very worshipfully: So sir, Presco he woulde not graunt that in no case, But said that you did corrupt the clergy, and dishonor that holy place. Now sir I was wearie to heare them at such great strife, For I loue to please men so long as I haue life: Therefore I beseeche your maistership to speake to Lady Lucar, That I may be her Chaplin, or els to serue her. Sym. What is your name? Peter. Sir Peter. Symo. What more? Peter. Forsooth Pleaseman. Symo. Then your name is sir Peter Pleaseman. Peter. I forsooth. Symo. And please woman too now and then. Peter. You know that homo is indifferent. Symo. Now surely a good scholler in my iudgement. I pray at what Uniuersitie were ye? Peter. Of no Uniuersitie truely: C.iiii. Mary A pithie and pleasaunt Comoedie Mary I haue gone to schoole in a Colledge, where I haue studied two or a three places of Diuinitie: And all for Lady Lucars sake, sir you may steadfastly beleue me. Symo. Nay I beleue ye, but of what religion are you can ye tell? Peter. Mary sir of all religions, I know not my selfe very well. Sym. You are a Protestant now, and I thinke to that you will graunt. Peter. Indeede I haue bene a Catholicke, mary nowe for the most part a Protestant. But and if my seruice may please her, harke in your care sir, I warrant you my Religion shall not offend her. Symo. You say well, but if I helpe you to suche great prefarment, Would you be willing, that for my paine I shall haue yearely hale the gaine. For it is reason you know, that if I help you to a liuing, That you should vnto me be somewhat beholding. Peter. I sir and reason good, Ile be as your maistership please. I care not what you doe, so I may liue at ease. Symo. Then this man is aunswered: Sir Peter pleaseman, come in with me. And ile preferre ye straight way to my Ladie. Peter. Oh Sir I thanke ye. Exeunt. Enter Simplicitie, with a basket on his Arme. Simpli. You thinke I am going to market to buy ro meat, do ye not?